surrender | making peace with uncertainty

For many of us, uncertainty about the future is uncomfortable.

We seek to escape its discomfort by finding an acceptable solution as quickly as possible. We rush to catch the next train, exclaiming a sigh of relief when it closes its doors and speeds off towards wherever we feel we need to be. Rarely do we opt for the embrace. Rarely are we willing to step aside and allow fate to play its card. To do this would mean choosing to accept what is by replacing our desire to control the outcome with trust in the unknown. It would mean waiting patiently at a quiet platform for a train that would appear unexpectedly. Curiosity, rather than fear, would draw us on board and the air would be soft and sweet, igniting within us a sense of coming home. 

Perhaps it’s this act of bravery that holds the key.

Perhaps it’s through surrender that we open the door to limitless possibility in our lives.

After leaving my job in September, it seemed like everyone wanted to know - what’s the plan? What was I going to do? Where was I going to go? Their fear for my uncertainty only served to amplify my own. It was all so unsettling that I was incredibly tempted to run down that path, back towards what was familiar and safe. It felt as though my identity was at stake. After decades of defining myself by what I was doing and where I was going, I started to ask myself what significance I had without that knowledge. It took acknowledging the fear for me to realize that I’m not what I do, where I’m going, what I’ve achieved or what others think of me.

There is nowhere I need to be except here; I am and will forever be enough. 

From this place of acceptance I realized that I had found myself at a critical crossroad, one that held a golden opportunity to find what it was that I truly wanted and begin creating a life of my own design.

I made the choice to surrender and gave myself permission to stop. To simply be. To let go of the limiting beliefs that I had previously allowed myself and others to place on what was possible in my life. To begin trusting in my own sensations, following the breadcrumbs laid out by my heart. To trade in certainty for the possibility that what I was searching for would find me if I simply allowed it to. For the first time, I stepped out of my own way.  I told myself, what the hell. Just this once, I’ll risk uncertainty and see what happens.

To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go.
— Lao Tzu

I don’t have a clue what is going to happen from here. Every day I’m tempted by the desire to know how this all is going to unfold. But it’s getting easier, and I’m starting to honestly appreciate the idea that anything could happen. There are an infinite number of ways this all could go; by trying to predict my future I am limiting myself to what I know today. All of the things I do not yet know are available to me only when I continue to choose to surrender. I keep reminding myself to not get attached and I practice not allowing anyone else to weigh in on what’s possible for me. I stay focused on what’s happening today while gently noticing the things that are calling out to me, drawing me in.

You can start to play with surrender by tuning in to the here and now. Pay attention to what you love, the things that bring you joy and the experiences that leave you feeling connected. Show up for them consistently and indulge in the satisfaction that they bring. Let go of the need to know where it all will lead. Start to replace your fear of uncertainty with excitement for what’s possible. Remember that you have nowhere to be and all the time in the world to get there. Choose to step out of your own way by embracing surrender. 

Trust that inspiration will guide you along its path. Let go.

♡ Jen